Yesterday morning, I woke up having my left calf cramp suddenly after a normal little wake-up stretch, or rather, straightening of my legs. Luckily, the pain subsidized soon. I struggled for some time to decide whether which type of doctor should I visit – western or Chinese physician. Alas, I took the latter.
I was the third in queue, but before that, I was lectured by the cashier who told me that that was a charity organization and thus I should not have passed her a fifty dollars note for the four dollars registration fee but my wallet was already empty and there was nothing I could do.
The doctor said I was extremely “heaty” and that indeed I had flu. I went out quite soon to get my medicine, handing over the used empty bottle over to the pharmacist, who further nagged at me for not removing the previous label. Since more than ten years ago it was okay for them to paste new labels over the old ones and I was not sure of their new restriction, so much for disallowing recycling of the bottle months ago since the H1N1 outburst.
I went to report to work still after getting changed at home. Once I reached the office, I almost started to shiver under the air-conditioner and thus I had to move to an empty classroom again. It was in fact, too late, that my illness was already worsened before the shifting.
Lunch was together with Daniel, Dorothy, Jingkun and surprisingly, Chi Chiang. We went to West Coast hawker centre and I took chicken chop despite the “heatiness” inside my body. The meat was quite disappointing.
In the afternoon, I went to the lecture theatre for the briefing organized by the Fitness Department in regarding of the health improvement challenge. Actually, I was only interested in the results of the previous health screening. I was given a student trainer who could not escape my nose that he was a smoker. However, since he looked quite soft and nice, I did not want to make things difficult for him and thus, I did not say anything nor request for a change. The Polar watch loaned was quite interesting and I could not wait for my illness to be cured so that I could go for a jog using it.
I went for dinner with Mei Hoe. We went to the Clementi new shopping centre and decided to dine at Sakae Sushi. I did not feel good that Mei Hoe insisted to foot the bill again, saying that she was treating me as her god son. I did not want to owe anyone any favour no matter how close we were.
Anyway, she showed me her medical report, displaying the extreme low blood cells in her body to worsen my mood. She could have collapsed anytime. Worrying for anyone was the worst thing I would want to do after being drained off totally more than a month ago.
When I was reaching The Cathay’s Starbucks, I checked my phone and realized Andy had dropped me a message that he was not feeling well and thus would not be going down. Soon Siong and Stephen were already there and there was no sign of Mr John or Jeremy would come down, let alone to reply our emails. Seeing that I was weakened by the illness, both of them decided to call it a day soon.
My elder brother bought a door pull-up bar for nearly $30. It was extendable and both sides had to be screwed into the frame of the door.
I was not sure how strong it was and I doubted the firmness of the wall.
It seemed to be able to maintain even my elder brother’s weight for now and it had also held me in the air for seventeen pull-ups but with great fears.
I must admit I am really a coward now because I cannot afford to fall even from that low height. Ever since after the operation, my left ankle has been failing me, or perhaps it is me who has been failing it. After a few volleyball games where I repeatedly strained it, I get so depressed of my recovery.
I was amazed that I could make it home in the end, but however, almost fully exhausted myself.
Ou Xiang had kindly dug out her barbecue equipments for me but due to my disabilities, I could not collect it from her. This dragged on and the owner of her current accommodation, her auntie, had been nagging at her; the problem was that she had to repack them back into the boxes, which was hell job.
I tried to seek help but to no avail. In the end I had to push myself down to collect the stuffs all by myself to avoid further harass of her by her auntie.
I tried to sleep as early as two o’clock in the morning but failed again, ending up with the four o’clock time smiling at me.
I told her I would call her before leaving my house but decided not to wake her up so early. I missed the stop eventually when my mind was multi-tasking. Anyway, I was not really sure where her house was but just walked back using my feeling.
It was just like a mountain and I had to climb up stairs after stairs. Finally, I saw her block number and was relieved. She took a few minutes to open the door and I saw to my terror.
The stuffs included one packet of charcoal, which was unused during her last barbecue. That was the heaviest bag of all. I left with the three big plastic bags in worries.
Ou Xiang's flat
Down the slope
Stairs
And more stairs
The bus-stop home was far away. I had to climb down the stairs, taking rest at intervals. And when I was about to reach the Keng Seng road, bus 75 passed by right in front of me. In the end, I waited for more than twenty minutes in the haze where construction work site behind me caused greater harms.
Both my hands started to ache soon and my legs were weak. I struggled on eventually reached home with even my butts aching.
I finally took my first piece of chicken in the afternoon. I had not eaten any chicken since exactly a month ago after my operation. At night, I had chicken soup but I did not really like the taste.
It was not that I was crazy about chicken but eating fish everyday was really dull and sickening.
My mum and other aunties claimed that eating chicken would cause discharge on my wound and being so ignorant, I had to believe because it could be the truth.
Anyway, I took an egg on the second morning in the hospital, which caused my wondering if this “chicken thing” was medically proven.
I am now recovering well, able to walk like near normal, but still having problems with the stairs. This is getting too slow.
Jielin asked me to join her and the other mad girls out some time ago but I never thought I could walk properly. I did not expect her to remember to call me again on the actual day which I had planned to get cracking with my websites. Since I noticed my leg was getting better, I agreed.
My mum cooked instant noodle (without egg again) for me so that I could leave anytime but it started to rain after that. Since I could not find my umbrella and did not want to bring a big one out, I waited near my door for the rain to stop.
In fact, I had trimmed my hair since quite long ago and waiting for just before my chalet to get it neat again, thus I looked terribly ugly. However, that did not stop me from going to crowded and trendy place such as orchard.
Jielin gave me another call and told me Cecilia was leaving soon and I grabbed a larger foldable one and left the house. Luckily, the rain had stopped.
I had some problems walking at first. I tried to walk fast and my left calf started to cramp a little. However, as I walked more, the pain seemed to vanish slowly; I supposed this was what the physiotherapist had told me about getting used to the pain.
My walking speed was not even half of my usual one before the operation. I realised by making larger step on my left leg, I could walk faster. However, the slopes made it difficult for me to walk. I hated any stare from passers-by but could not help it when I had to climb the two long flocks of stairs down unless I had to travel far to the other side of the entrance.
Since my left ankle still could not bend due to the calf, it was impossible for me to move the right leg first when I was climbing the stairs and I supposed it would take a very long time to fully recover.
I was really glad to reach Hereen since it was my first time going out alone without using crutches and without taking a cab.
I met them outside “Action City” shop. I started teasing Jielin for she looked like a bamboo in her sleeveless shirt and later kept asking whether she was sick a not.
Look at Kim's finger...
After walking rounds and rounds, we moved on to Wisma. We got into the Topshop where I managed to get presents and caused another burn on my ATM card. The girls were really nice and interesting people. The fascinating part was when they asked Kim to wear a feminine shirt, she pointed middle finger immediately.
We moved on to the basement level, walked around for quite some time before we departed at the MRT station around evening time.
I went to the physiotherapist for the second time with my mum. I told her I had accidentally strained my calf two nights ago and she was quite stunned. It was all for the long disability that I wanted to witness the progress.
I did some cycling exercise there and each time I used strength, the left calf seemed like going to cramp. Then, I was taught a few more exercises with the thera-band. Luckily the session was less than ten bucks.
Next, we went to the Clinic “C” again. The waiting time was near an hour. I was delighted to see Doctor Tay again and Doctor Sebastian was just by his side. There was nothing much to say and they thought my condition was good. When Doctor Sebastian asked if there was any numbness, I felt around the wound and the skin was indeed totally numbed.
The next appointment is half a year later. By then I do not see any need to go back when I have totally recovered. Twenty-one bucks was too expensive. Perhaps, the reason to go back would be just to pay Doctor Tay a visit.
As my mum changed the dressing for me again, there was discharge as usual after more than two weeks from the operated date.
I tried to test how well the progress of my recovery was and did a little hop which hurt my left calf so badly. Later, as I was getting up from the mattress, I forget about my injury and used my left leg to start off; there was a pull at the operated part again.
Otherwise, the blood clots are vanishing soon and there is no swell. My right foot can now exceed the left foot more than five centimetres while limping and that shows I can bend my left ankle more.
The speed of recovery is somehow too slow for a hyperactive man.
The haze was so bad that when I woke up I felt uncomfortable. My eyes were tired and I started to cough a little. There was also irritation in my nose.
I went near the windows to see magnificent view of the haze. The buildings far away were blurred. There was also smell of smoke.
These days I was hiding at home to recuperate from my operation and yet the haze had been threatening me so much. I wondered what would happen if I was out there.
As my mum helped me to redress the wound before she went to sleep, there was still discharge as usually at the lower part of the wound and it was dried again. I intended not to dress the wound anymore to save money and also to air it, however my mum was afraid I might scratch the wound in my sleep.
There is less pain in the past three nights and thus I can doze off easier. Another good thing is that the swell has dispersed. The inner of the calf still hurts when I press the calf, which I hope it will be over soon.
My attempts to walk properly still fail. At least for now, my right foot can move forward and exceeds the left foot (operated leg) by around three centimetres. I believe as the tissues recover, I can bend my ankle more and walking will be easier.
Gilbert had rectified my language and contents of a letter written in rage; it had somehow demoralised me but definitely made me realise how incompetent I was. He prompted me with many questions and left the final editing to me.
In the end, I did not send it to the officials that I wished to complain to; I was quite lost.
The original letter:
I am writing this email to express a big displease and shame on the service of your hospital.
Last Wednesday, I had an operation done by Doctor Mathew George Sebastian from Clinic “C” and the description of the surgical procedures was “Excision of Left Lateral Gastrocnemius Haemangioma”.
My calf and foot on the operated leg are still swelling after a week and there are blood cots on both sides of the foot just above the heel, which are around four by two centimetres big. Another concern is the discharge on the lowest portion of the wound.
As I had an appointment with the Neuro-Surgery department at Clinic “E” today, after waiting for more than an hour as usual, I mentioned about the urgent problems to the doctor at room “6”. He told me to go to Clinic “C” and insist for a check-up immediately because the discharge might cause an infection.
My mum and I got very concern and we went to the treatment room (room 10) at Clinic “C” as instructed at around 1230h. The nurse inside, however, told us that Doctor Mathew was doing an operation at the moment. I requested for just any doctor or medical staff to inspect on my wound but this nurse claimed that only Doctor Mathew knew about my problems. She offered me to push my next appointment forward from two weeks later (091006) to next Monday (021006) or Tuesday (031006) but I declined.
I am sure you, a worthy and dedicated staff of the hospital, or even just a normal non-medical trained person would see the problems.
I wish to clarify my doubts.
1. Will the hospital bear full responsible if my wound gets infected or worsens? 2. Is your well-reputation hospital training staffs to say no to patient instead of finding a better solution? 3. Is the documentation done properly enough each time to maintain details of my problems/injuries so that other doctors can see to my problems? 4. Are all doctors in your hospital, other than Doctor Mathew, trained to treat problems with swelling, blood cots and discharge of wounds? 5. If Doctor Mathew leaves the working force of the hospital one day unfortunately, do I have to forsake my wound?
On my personal view, your staffs are pushing away responsibility. As Singapore is trying to promote our excellent medical treatment in Asia, this will act as opposition to the proposal.
Hereby, I wish to seek an explanation to my questions and hope that my future experience with your hospital will be better when your staffs are more enthusiastic.
The finalised letter:
Re: Dissatisfaction with SGH’s services and seeking resolution to my medical condition
Last Wednesday (200906), I had an operation done by Doctor Mathew George Sebastian from Clinic “C” and the description of the surgical procedures was “Excision of Left Lateral Gastrocnemius Haemangioma”.
My calf and foot on the operated leg are still swelling after a week and there are blood cots on both sides of the foot just above the heel, which are around four by two centimetres big. Another concern is the discharge on the lowest portion of the wound.
I had an appointment with the Neuro-Surgery department at Clinic “E” today, which concerned a separated health issue. I went into room “6” after waiting for more than an hour. The doctor knew about my recent operation and I took the chance to explain my worries about the development of my condition regarding the operation. He told me I had the right to go to Clinic “C” immediately and insist Doctor Mathew to do a check-up because the discharge might cause an infection.
Afterwards I went to the treatment room “10” at Clinic “C” as instructed at around 1230h. The nurse inside, however, told us that Doctor Mathew was doing an operation at the moment. I requested for any doctor or medical staff who could inspect my wound but the nurse claimed that only Doctor Mathew knew about my problems; even so I was sure any doctor currently on duty could easily inspect my wound, which would not take up much of their time. Instead, she offered to push my next appointment forward from two weeks later (091006) to next Monday (021006) or Tuesday (031006) but I declined as I needed at least an explanation to check on the seriousness of my condition and if it required immediate medical attention. I refused to leave at first and showed her my operated leg but she claimed that there was no dark area around the bandage and thus there should be no infection; she did not remove the bandage. She suggested me to go to a polyclinic or directly to the A&E department if I was worried, which I thought was very unprofessional to push me away. I was very disappointed and left the hospital.
I wish to clarify my doubts.
1. Will the hospital bear full responsibility if my wound gets infected or worsened since it is not treated on the spot? 2. Are my medical records ready and available so that other doctors could have seen to my problems? 3. Are there any other doctors in your hospital, other than Doctor Mathew, trained to treat problems with swelling, blood cots and discharge of wounds after operation?
From my point of view, your staffs were pushing away responsibility or perhaps they were not trained to provide simple immediate resolutions. As Singapore is trying to promote our excellent medical services in Asia, the service rendered to me seemed to be compromising the hospital’s reputation.
Hereby, I wish to seek an explanation to my problems and resolutions to my medical condition mentioned above. I hope that my future experience with your hospital will be a better one and would appreciate if u could contact me as soon as possible.
After more than a week of careful dressing, there is still discharge and blood on the lowest portion of the wound.
It is disgusting to imagine how deep the wound is.
My mum has bought various medical items (antiseptic, dressing, tape, Chinese medicine… etc) just for the wound; each night before she goes to sleep, she will help me to redress it.
I am beginning to feel so cheated that till now I am limping and the pains have immersed into my life.
Am I supposed to walk now when the blood cots are still there and there is still discharge on the wound? Why are there sharp pains beneath the skin now and then?
My projected ORD (Operation Ready Date) date is 30th September, 2006, which was brought forward since it was a Saturday.
I was limping still but I took this great courage to travel alone all the way to Choa Chu Kang by public transport – train. Then, Hong Kiat was supposed to pick me up from there. Waking up at around 0700h, I was supposed to meet him at 0900h but I reached at 0820h instead.
I was not so crazy for my pink I/C (identification card) because I simply had no special feeling over it; perhaps, problems like my leg and money were more important issues somehow, which had neglected my freedom’s mood. Anyway, I had been idling at home since after this year’s National Day (9th August, 2006).
Most people would definitely take a cab down directly but for me, I wanted to save money and test my limit. My main purpose to fetch my I/C so quickly instead of waiting for a better recovery was none other than to show Protein my condition; at least this would give her an impression of how I had been suffering for more than a year. Next reason was of course to have companion of Hong Kiat.
We went to the Terrestrial store immediately to get back our clearance forms. I was surprised but glad that almost all the empty slots had been signed; the CSOs were nice guys. Then, Hong Kiat drove me over to the HG SIG building to get his last two important signatures signed, which he failed to find the last person. Then, we went to return our camp pass first.
He drove back to the parade square and I went up to the AVA room to visit my buddies. They rearranged the furniture again. It was a disappointment that Yuqing was on leave. I got to chat with some of them before going up to room #3-1 to see the new “office”, which was kind of a heaven since not many people knew that room was in operation already. I stayed there to surf the net for a while before Hong Kiat called and we proceeded on with our last two stations.
I walked all the way down and across the road to the main building. I proceeded directly to the TRMS office and got Protein to sign my clearance. The only good thing I liked about her was her attitude when talking face to face. She did try to get information about what I was doing back then before clearing leave and she sounded it like putting a signaller at AVA was waste of manpower. I told her the requirement and could have said more if my leg was not hurting me tremendously.
As I got my plaque and certificate, and was leaving the office, I finally got to see Shep. She was impressed with my looks now though I was always the same. It hurt me somehow when she repeated her assumption that I hated her. She had always being motherly to me and I had only hated her for a few days when we first worked together as she doubted my words that the seniors were abusing their powers; I could not really blame as well since I did not want to mention the individual evil-doing as to not hurt anyone.
As Hong Kiat and I got to the administration office, our final station, Gary told me I had to get a copy of the Dental FFI status slip, which the medical centre had given me the wrong piece (they gave me Hong Kiat’s medical FFI status slip instead). Hong Kiat helped me to go over to the medical centre after I gave them a call. Everything was done after that and my long lost I/C was retrieved; surprisingly I had no special feeling still.
My legs were almost wrecked by then; my left leg was numb whereas my right ankle seemed to be smashed as I had been depending on it too much. I met Kengster and Yuwei just as Hong Kiat drove his car up so that I needed not travel for long distance. He dropped me at Choa Chu Kang MRT.
That was this great disappointment that I did not get to see my “sister”, who stopped replying me suddenly as usual. I wanted to take a picture with her or even had lunch together but she only replied me when I was halfway home.
Singaporeans had once again given me a bad impression again for I had to stand all the way with my crutches; none of the passengers was kind. A couple who boarded at Dover flirted right in front of me, which was unbearable as I had to look out of the windows all the while.
After alighting at TG Pagar MRT station, I almost collapsed. It always took less than five minutes for me to reach the void deck of my house but this time it was near half an hour. Even my arms were too tired to move the crutches and each step was so small. My left leg was near total numbness and I was helpless totally.
I could not help but to imagine myself as Zhang Qian in the Han Dynasty, who travelled long distance in the desert in the show of Han Wu Da Di (http://sillydumb.blogspot.com/2006/09/han-wu-da-di.html). The shabbiness and pains turned me pale. However, the soon arriving Vivi lighted me up a bit.
I survived. It was an impressive effort and determination, which I would never try again.
I had a very hard time dozing off. I tried all positions and even not let the calf touch anything, it still hurt. It was a feeling of my inner calf tearing apart. The pain was indescribable but it recited the beginning of cramps; the irritation caused fears as well.
I woke up many times and each time it took quite long before I could get into my dreams again. I regretted messaging Andy to wish him happy birthday at midnight as he replied me early in the morning before the sun greeted me.
The whole operated leg, below the knee was still swelling. There were blood clots (blue black) on both sides of the foot just above the heel, which were about four by two centimetres. There was discharge on the bottom of the wound every night when my mum redressed the wound. My calf was unusually freezing.
Blood clot on the right of my left foot
Blood clot on the left of my left foot
The wound with discharge on bottom
I do not know what is inside my calf now; imagine the doctor removes a ping pong ball size of tissues from your calf, what is left to fill the hollowness? When the bulk of blood vessels are removed, are the rest joint together or the supply of blood on that portion is terminated forever?
I was shocked to see the appointment date on the paper for my physiotherapy during the weekends as I keyed the date into my website’s calendar. The nurse told me it was a Monday but the calendar showed it was a Tuesday. I checked the date of my computer and finally confirmed that was a cock up.
“26/09/06 Monday”
My mum claimed I should just follow the date instead of the day but I did not want to risk changing the appointment to a day after my ORD day.
On the day itself, I went online to check but realised the website had some bugs or it was just too high-knowledge-required. Then, I took the appointment card for my other hospital appointment and dialled the number, which I realised it worked. I was lucky that I did not take the assumption of my mum.
At first, I wanted to walk over like usual, except this time with my crutches; however, my mum was worried that I could not take it and insisted to take cab there. On the way down to level one, in my attempt to make quick step, I almost fell down from the top of the stairs with my poor crutch drop on the floor.
This time, I was quite ashamed of having my mum to abandon her work to accompany me there; unlike usually I was just afraid she would give me extra problems. I paid for the cab fare which was around four bucks.
By then, we were super early. I was hoping to see Joanna, my previous pretty physiotherapist, but luck was not with me. After filling up a small survey form and waited less than half an hour, I was called by Suelyn and I followed her in.
I seemed quite lost somehow and she thought I was very afraid. She asked me to tell her story about the lump and I was caught by it; basically I could not really remember the full story after the long negligence. Then, she taught me a few stretching and strengthening ways for my muscle, which I had foreseen earlier.
I should be taught during my hospitalised days so that I needed not make an extra trip down. I was worried for my next appointment anyway for it was after my ORD date.
I wanted to take the shuttle bus down to Outram MRT but my mum insisted to take cab again. We stopped by the Post Office and this time she paid for it. We went into the new medical shop first and the man was trying to persuade us to get the more expensive tape. Since I did not need that, we insisted to get the nice transparent plastic one which was three times cheaper; I guessed the shop might not survive for long given the price of rental big space at the location.
The conclusion for the day was my mum was really great except that we always had communication problems.
I am surprised when some people mistake the operation is for my “leg” injury which I am always talking about. It is indeed part of the injuries, which all the doctors have indirectly made me neglect about, but I always thought only the knees were crucial.
My injuries include the most serious back injury, loose knee caps, lump on my left calf which is just operated and the numbness on my feet.
The diagnosis of the lump is gastrocnemius haemangioma. This is a tough medical term for me but Doctor Tay has explained that my condition is overgrowth of blood vessel, which is a minor tumour.
This problem drags on till now and has somehow worsened, which I believe it is the fault of the doctors who do not show much concern about it. I cannot remember which doctors I have visited except for the numerous reports during my BMT days.
Life is always screwed up indeed.
I hope my friends will not follow my footsteps, and instead, make persistent approach to insist on thorough checkups on problems with their health.
The progress to recovery is somehow not a sweet and simple journey.
The pain resumes and I hate the feeling greatly. At least, it is better than the first two days at home when I could feel the muscle shrinking back after stretching, the ghastly feeling disheartened me so much.
Lying down is always more comfortable somehow, perhaps due to the better circulation of blood, but I can feel the bulk within my calf which is compressing. I have to keep my leg straighten at times in case the muscle shrinks, and stretching and walking would be more tedious.
It is still much better to use crutches to support me; it allows me to use my left leg more instead of limping sideways and of course it reduces the number of times I put extra weight on it.
I am beginning to miss the healthy days when I jumped and ran about so much. It is pointless to dwell in the past but to always make sure I can cherish and make full use of the current so that I will not regret again in future.
After sleeping for two hours, I woke up suddenly with Yixin and Cecilia by my side. Yixin was laughing craftily as they walked off. I was not sure did they do anything to wake me up or I just felt the danger and got up to save myself.
With the frame, I went to the toilet to wash up by myself. The morning seemed so special somehow I loved it.
Since it was the last day of job attachment for my juniors (Ngee Ann Polytechnic students), all of them were so excited to start their three weeks of break; it was just nice for I was going to be discharged on the same day.
Yixin and Jielin were most hyperactive as usual. I laughed at them while they were “cleaning” up the patients and made some mistakes. Yixin even asked me a few times if I wanted them to sponge me, which was a fortunate deal for me but I rejected since it would be awkward, I needed a real bathe instead and Vivi might get jealous.
Jielin and Yixin
Grace and Jielin
I was lazy to move the trolley towards the bed and chose to leave it at the foot of the bed. Then, I told Jielin I looked cool to eat like that but Yixin later came and pushed it to the side of the bed so that I needed not twist my body to the side while eating; Yixin was so attentive.
The physiotherapist came again and finally brought my crutches. She was surprised to see the frame with me and finally shown her “true colours” as she said it was quite impossible to get it and she was just causally saying I could get it to practise on my own. Anyway, she taught with how to climb stairs with the help of Jielin and Kim Kim.
Later on, Cecilia tried to play with my crutches and the rest of them joined in. their laughers had cheered the room up so much.
Kim and Jielin
Cecilia, Kim, Jielin and Grace at the very back
I was so gratified that my auntie, my mum’s sister, came to visit me on the third consecutive day; I did not even visit her when she was struggling to take care of my uncle who was infected with brain disease. She even brought food along.
I was quite bored when the nurses went for their break. After they came back, they helped me to cover up my bandage so that I could go and bath; I had a very tough time inside, trying not to wet my left calf even though it was quite well protected.
After that, the nurses gathered around me again and I could stop feeling fortunate. Perhaps, I was the youngest patient there and that was why they rather had “war” against me; they could not resist waiting to remove all the tapes to see me scream in pain.
One thing which I did not understand about my mum was she kept asking them to become her god daughters. I forgot to ask my mum to bring the camera along which I had even prepared on my table top, with batteries fully charged.
It was around one when my medicine arrived. Then, the permanent nurse came over to give me a new wound dressing. I saw the wound then, which was very disgusting though it was only a line.
After that, the nurses accompanied my mum and I down as they went to take their lunch. From them, I saw hopes in future. They also showed me the enthusiasm to do things.
I woke up as early as five plus in the morning. Then, I waited for my mum to come as she promised to get me breakfast.
The nurse came and asked me to take a seat on the chair while she prepared my bed. I tried to get down and hurt my left leg even when I tried to put it on the floor so gently. She was shocked and apologised but it was my own intention to try walking since I could have hopped over with just my right leg.
Since I could not walk and had only a hand to move, I had to use the thymol gargle solution to rinse my mouth despite hating to trouble the nurse. My mum finally came at around eight but I had already finished my breakfast; the seventy to eighty percent done egg was quite nice.
When I was asked whether I wanted to take a bath, I said no because of the restriction of movement. They could have wheeled me over to the toilet but the needle on the back of my wrist was far too scary for me to move about. But since I had sweated, I allowed them to sponge me. It was an unusual experience.
Before the group of them came to help me, I asked for the removal of the needle on the back of my left wrist. It bled more than the previous time I had a drip and of course, there was more pain than ever. However, it was a nice feeling after that as I finally had both my hand free.
The female physiotherapist came finally and tried to get me to walk with the frame. It was a struggle to put my left foot flat onto the ground but I had to lean my leg backwards in order to do that. I sweated a lot while trying to walk and in the end the physiotherapist helped me to speak to the doctor to let me stay for one more day. However, she did not leave the frame with me that I could not walk by myself.
Vivi came to visit me again upon knowing that I would be staying for one more day but she left at around five thirty. It was a fun afternoon with lots of photos taken. She took some nice photos of me in good angles.
Vivi insisted me to write something into her diary
Vivi and I
Her diary
Sweet love
An artistic photo taken by Vivi of an ugly model. Picture is being distorted by me.
Taken by surprise again
Around evening, Yixin was attending to the patient besides me and seemed a bit shock to see that I was still around. The routine of taking my pulse, temperature and other things continued. While she was seriously and carefully taking my pulse again, I called out different numbers to distract her and eventually succeeded. I even took photos of her. I asked her and Jielin to get me a frame so that I could go to the toilet and they did not fail me.
My new good friend/enemy
Molest!!
I was surprised when Yixin told me she had watched the “Han Wu Da Di” show the night before as she was curious about why I wanted to watch it so badly. We had craps together with other nurses, and I mocked at them for going into the male’s toilet.
The most interesting thing came when the old patient besides me dressed up and even removed the drip by himself. Then, he was walking out with his bag when a male nurse who did not stop him, only until my mum and I shouted out. His relatives came later to persuade him to stay on and explained that the nurses did not give him any food because he was not supposed to eat and that the drip was sufficient to keep him alive.
It was a boring night after all the training nurses left, however, they told me it was their last day the next day and all of them would only be coming in the morning, which was just nice to send me off. Jielin was so sweet to “steal” the frame to keep by my side so that I could walk around by myself.
That night, I dozed off only for a while and then could not get to sleep until five. Suddenly, I decided to try listening to music, which worked after a repeat of the seven songs.
When I was left alone on the bed, I seemed like a worthless corpse. The worst thing I would ever want to do was to bother the nurses and thus I did dare to drink water. I did not even move my leg in case the wound would worsen. The greatest fear was the needle on the back of my left palm that left me with only a moveable right hand and leg.
Suddenly it became interesting when a nurse came over to take my heartbeat. This cute girl took much longer time than usual nurses and even after she left my wrist alone, she was using her fingers to count something. I realised she was a trainee from Ngee Ann Polytechnic from her name tag. Her name was Yixin.
Since movement was restricted, I did not get my notebook or PHP book out to study. I stared into space most of the time and also looking at the other five patients, which was quite interesting as well. The patient opposite me, Mr Lim, was friendly and smiled at me a few times. His relatives talked to me as well to find out about the reason I was there.
The patient besides Mr Lim was however a weirdo. He had contacted diabetic and already had a leg removed. He was quite a problematic guy who gave lots of problems to the nurses and he urged the doctors to remove his only leg in quite a funny manner.
As I got to know more about the problems of the patients, I became so disheartened and sad. I could not stay in the ward any longer with the aching in my heart though I was left helpless. Also, I feared of getting old and problematic like them, feeling the pains they were going through.
After a few hourly routines, I began to ask Yixin questions like if there was any way to watch television at night. She showed an emotionless face sometimes but she was in fact the most observance and careful nurse.
There was once when Jielin joined in to take my pulse rate and Mingfa called at the same time, I moved about. After she removed the equipment from my elbow, she told me she could not hear anything when I was talking and moving about. I could not help but laugh.
Soon, they were leaving and since the doctor said I would be hospitalised for only one night, I thought I would never see them again.
I dozed off at around eleven but soon woke up again. The nurse in charge of night duties was quite short and pretty but certainly capable as I witnessed her entertain that guy besides Mr Lim so many times. She even held the plastic bag for him to vomit, which was a tough job for me and certainly to most girls.
The entire calf and foot swelled so badly that I could not even stand up. The tension of the muscle was scary and I could feel my calf freezing.
Being an active person, it was unbearable to not run and jump about. I hated so much to trouble others and this night my mum had to bring all my used bowls and cups to the kitchen; all the simple tasks pierced my heart deeply.
Future was a frustration. I thought over the job opportunities told by Gilbert, supposed there were more but I could not take up any. When I had already gotten my last pay from the bad asses, gaining my freedom at end of month, I still had to consider that I had more than a mouth to feed. I did not like this pressure and it was killing all brain cells that were trying to figure a path out for me.
I forgot which was the weaker medication and I tried my luck. It was all for the swollen calf that I feared, else I would not want to take anymore painkiller.
This night I tried to sleep early since I was so disabled but there were pains all over my calf and even at the shin.
