A form of regret in life is being unable to render help, or rather, not insisting to help.
When you ask him about his project, he assures that he has handled much bigger events before. You smile and feel relieve for you trust his ability.
He has done all well and impressively.
Nevertheless, there are always some minor requirements he may have left out, which may be significant to a different organisation where he is new to.
You feel shit because you realise you could have assisted him in some other means, which are essential, though would not contribute to the success of the event.
Kind people should all be given the torch to light up their paths, regardless of day or night. This is the way to promote beautiful life and to express our gratitude to them.
The last minute meeting called yesterday placed me in an awkward situation. Chi Chiang had brought an extra helmet for me to send me home and I wasted his effort. I felt so guilty throughout the entire day.
It was the day my mind got in confusion again after my boss strike me with a sudden question, which I wanted to discuss with him soon, but not in front of others. I felt disappointed in myself because I did not do it earlier.
Last Friday was supposed to be a fun gathering. Even though I was lazy to go back to school to play badminton and enjoy the good food, I was all prepared to drag my feet out of the house.
I received an SMS from Meihoe and I immediately confirmed with her that I was going back. After messaging Jingkun because he told me he might not make it on the day, he told me the gathering was cancelled.
I quickly called Meihoe and confirmed everything. She had bought all the ingredients and was already cooking, and thus, I felt quite bad for wasting her effort. It was a missed opportunity to taste her cooking as well.
Jingkun was on medical leave on Wednesday due to his ankle’s injury. Daniel, Weitat and Kevin joined me for lunch but since we had no car, there was some hesitation at first. The canteen’s only opened stall was the one which I had condemned and thus, I advised them to lunch out instead. Since the weather was hot, I was quite guilty over it.
We walked to Clementi hawker centre and the western food stall was on business for me. I ordered chicken cutlet for Kevin and Weitat while Daniel went for chicken chop. I prepared my coins to pay for my lunch because my wallet was “exploding” but the auntie collected the notes from Weitat when I insisted I had to pay for my meal first. The coins were shared among Weitat and Kevin and it made me guilty again.
Back to the office, I continued with my work. The boredom from doing George’s website design threw me into my own PHP project. I got addicted once again. Ajax codes were improved to “post” instead of “get”, which improved a lot on the security. Alas, time restricted my enthusiasm.
I spent the night with the website after clearing emails and dragged till quite late before going to bed.
It was a short and quick start for the day and the main objective was just a briefing.
As usual, my hairstyle was the centre of attention whenever I tried to keep them standing. Some teased that I looked like I just got up from bed, but some were impressed. I probably looked trendier than when I was in my usual untidy hair, which I did not bother to spend time on.
Mrs Ng tried to pour in more guilt inside me by reminding me of her disfigured nose, which was caused by me a week ago. She could see through me so well that she knew I had been bothered by it since that day. It served a good lesson to me so that I would use my brain more than strength in future.
The same Chinese mixed vegetable stall that I used to frequent somehow did not satisfy my tongue.
Delivering free movie tickets was the best job on earth. It was just too bad that only the best could receive them, since I felt that many people's effort should also be awarded, despite of the end results. The moment of togetherness poured great memories into my heart, soaking me with the reluctance to part with them.
There was a small search for laptop in the afternoon and I was glad that I was able to offer sufficient help. Madam Seet was definitely one of those whom I was going to worry about after my departure even though she was one of the most senior around.
Weitat, Jingkun and I had some discussion about our next steps. For me, I feared too much that I would not be able to cope with my own studies next year and I despised the fact that I was been persuaded to change my mind so many times and now that the table had turned over.
Even though I had tried to blackout at as early as around two AM, I felt sleepy throughout the day. Having to handle new assignments which I had to spend time to explore was totally off my initial plan.
I got a little stressed on Wednesday on the Gallery2 project. I hated simple talks when actions were far beyond imagination. The frustration was caused by some guilt as well since the holiday mood had dragged the process down a lot. At least, I was spending the hours in the office well by learning PHP on my own.
We were supposed to pick Mingfa up at the nearby bus-stop for lunch together but Weitat missed the stop as we were crapping inside the car. We had lunch at Holland Village's hawker centre near the carpark. The fish and chips I ordered from the China lady's stall was not of satisfactory standard.
I did a little work before going down to join the rest for badminton. Mrs Ng came back specially to join us. I paired up with her and while saving a shuttle cock near the far back line, she turned behind suddenly and my racket hit hers, which ended up hitting her nose. Guilt filled my afternoon.
It was the second time I played badminton after ten years of missing-in-action in the sport and the swinging of the racket was a total new challenge to me. Without doubt, we had good games filled with fun and laughers. The spraying of insecticide halted our game and we left early, which made me feel bad since Mrs Ng had come all the way down and we could have played longer together. It seemed that other colleagues came down to join us after we left.
