She mixes around with bitches often out of own will even though she hates them.
This is through experience.
To prove this true, simply apply the logic that out of ten close friends you have, if eight of them have a common characteristic, you will be influenced.
In life, we experience things in order to learn and “regain conscious”. Be it good or bad occurrences, they would impact strongly on our decision in future.
I have learned many things in just a Saturday alone.
For success, there is bound to have sacrifices; friendship and promises are just pawns. History will forever repeat itself for certain events.
In a relationship, a person who takes the other half for granted will always apologise; whereas, in a friendship, it will happen too. If you have done it once, twice, or thrice, will you simply shut up at the fourth time or latter since it is meaningless already?
I have learned that even the most trusted people would put the naive one to shame. I have learned to place the most important thing before anything else, putting off awkwardness like a holy saint. I have learned to smile more like a fool. I have learned how to fight for a team, which I am not part of.
I have learned the thousands of misfortunate truths in life. I have learned the fact, and more cruelty of life.
I have learned, I have witnessed, I have experienced.
This is a turning point of my life, which I have seen through the thin and fragile colourful masks, and I am ready to embark on a cleaner and more decent life without the lies and disrespect.
EIP, my dread, finally started on Tuesday morning. Going down all the way to Bukit Batok ITE was killing half of my days that I was unable to do any other stuff. It was a test of my luck to see which secondary school students were going down in order to judge how tiring I would be by the end of each session. I was lucky that the Westwood Secondary school kids were very adorable. However, I made a great communication mistake and Zaki reached at 8am.
Zaki sent me back to campus to attend my department meeting, which started forty-five minutes earlier and the meeting was over soon upon reaching. Nevertheless, I got to enjoy the nasi lemak from my boss.
I had a payback of my lack of sleep due to gaming before I went to bed. Throughout the afternoon, I was never productive by nodding in front of my laptop. The worst thing was when I discovered that my smoking site did not work properly on my webhost even though everything was fine on both laptops I was using. It was disastrous to work with AJAX when debugging was needed.
Sometimes I did doubt my own principle. I always did my best to attend to all my friends but somehow it made me very unfocused. I had been observing friends who did not even glance at me when I stood beside them during their conversation with others, and indeed they were more successful than me.
I reached home at around 6pm. I slacked for some time and finally left my house for a jog after taking my medicine. It was another challenge to my limit for I could easily sleep like a bear at that moment. I started off weak and felt like sleeping at certain points of time. By the time I reached the big T-junction separating Marina Barrage and Marina South Pier, I was exhausted. Nevertheless, I was impressed with my final timing.
On the Tuesday evening, the place was not even half as crowded as the weekends. There were more groups of youngsters around. The usual huge green snake kite departed soon before darkness embarked. I started lying down to rest. The time tickled fast and before I could doze off, it was near 8pm. I made my way down and did some stretching longer than ever, distracted by a mini bus which I suspected was from MediaCorp.
When I started to take off, I was glad to see bus 400 stopping at the bus-stop. My second race against the bus was granted but I was not given advance start off as long as the previous time. Before I reached the T-junction, the bus had already beaten me. I did not give up and kept my pace constant at the exhausting speed. My effort had a payoff for I managed to overtake the alighted passengers inside the small tunnel as they were walking towards the MRT station. I was quite proud of myself.
I could not keep up with the pace after turning away from the entrance to MRT, but managed to push myself furthermore. In the end, I checked my timing and was very amazed with myself for I broke my own record by taking less than 19 minutes.
When a human does something, the focus would be on either of the two parties – self or others. There could be a mixture of both, but one’s weightage would be higher than another’s.
“If I do this, what will happen to me?” “If I do this, what will happen to him?
A person who is more self thought would rather harm others than to lose a strand of hair. Staying closely with him is always at a losing end. He may help you given that he is already on a safe zone, or, unless he knows well he needs your help in near future. He never realises the meaning of “If he’s happy, I’m happy too”.
A person who is willing to sacrifice more for others will tend to lose some benefits in the surface; but within him are peace and joys. He feels more secured for someone would definitely lend him a helping hand in future without asking.
Another way of differentiating the two types of person is through the daily activities he wishes to engage in.
“This is fun, let’s play together.” “This is good for your future, let’s do it together.”
A self thought person looks at things that are beneficent to him; a worthy friend looks at what you really need and urges you to take up.
I have met the extreme of both types of people. The first type has almost ruined my life; whereas the second type pushes me to get my degree and driving licence, and anything else that can upgrade myself.
Can love make a difference? The perception of human being is difficult to be changed and so far I have not witnessed any success case.
Nevertheless, if a person cannot think and sacrifice more for his love one in a positive way, his life is absurd.
If you claim that you are sad because you have just broken up with your ex-boyfriend, and yet, you have fallen deeply in love with another guy a couple of days later, what can I say?
If you are waiting for me to console you, you probably have to wait for fifty years.
Don’t say that your love life sucks or you are a foolish girl, because nobody is forcing you to choose this path. Whatever you have done will eventually impact you in your future life because it is easy to judge your character based on things that you have done.
Exactly a month ago, I started a draining and impossible journey. It was the riskiest choice ever, which I thought I could make a difference.
The actual day was not the day itself but five days later. I was almost destroyed.
I saw what I truly liked in life.
It could never be but I saw a change in me, for love was too strong. I could accept any stain done in the past for I thought I would be much appreciated than anyone in this world. I believed in creating a better future, which could overwrite everything.
“It takes two hands to clap.”
I could sense things were not going right since beginning; I saw with my heart. I was so sick of words. I believed strongly in “action speaks louder than words” but I received none of them.
Absurd was what I faced almost everyday. I started to expose more lies; I was exposed to the much darker side of the world. I was, however, prepared to persist on.
I realized things that I cherished and valued greatly in life might not be what everyone would care at all. I exploited my principles.
I became depressed and I even got drunk. I lost interest in practically everything and I could not maintain my concentration. I disappointed many people. Nevertheless, I found out the people who really cared and were ready to sacrifice time for me.
I could not let go because I could not stand things going wrong. It was one of my greatest failures in life that I could not make a difference. There was this problem with enlightenment that everyone had to embark on before anything could be corrected, and I was greatly defeated by it, let alone to make changes. I came to light that I was not a saint and was never good enough.
Everything was a challenge to my limit - limit of acceptance of flaws, limit of emotion exploitation, limit of tolerance and limit of physical strength.
Will you like to be sang by people or cursed by them after you leave this world?
“No man is an island.”
Humans usually take the easy way out – be selfish and mindless about others. But what this group of people is doing is simply filling their external peace, and never their inner peace. They are able to place themselves at advantage most of the time, but in time of need, how many people will truly help them?
How many people have you hurt? What do you get by watching them suffer? How many good souls do you want to destroy before you can rest your hands? How much trust can others have in you if you have been doing all the disappointing things?
“If you can’t contribute, at least don’t destroy.”
Nevertheless, it is tough to be a good person, but the least you can do is not becoming a bad person.
“Giving is happiness; loving others is a form of loving yourself.”
If all these years you have been thinking for only yourself, why not start thinking for others now?
There are times when we do nothing wrong and yet we cannot deny the mistake, or otherwise, it will pose greater pain to our teammate who has caused the problem.
I stood there, almost at the shock of my life, to hear what was going on. The fact that one of my mentors was around to penalize us worsened my mood.
I have failed to sing a song for you, I have failed to write the ending of the story. There are too many things I have failed to do, which are some of the greatest regrets of my life.
Now that I can only sit back and watch, I never want to find out more after hearing stories about the cruel facts of life; I can no longer withstand any hurt. All I wish is that you can accomplish the three things I want you to do ever since knowing you:
- Stay happy. - Love yourself. - Live a meaningful life.
Does a person who always laughs and smiles considered a happy person? How many guys have really loved you before? Is going wild all day long meaningful?
Maybe one day you will realize why guys like to play pool with girls and why guys would pay for the midnight cab fare just to meet up with girls. Maybe, you do not mind at all.
Sometimes when we make mistakes, we tend to find faults with others instantly to avoid being blamed.
Have you ever realized you have done something wrong and yet you try to raise your voice?
Don’t be ashamed to admit, because many people do this as well.
I usually resign to the fate and face the music; it appeases the victim and also, makes myself feel better. By doing this, it reminds me of not doing anything that can hurt others. I have more peace in my mind.
I finally dated my girlfriend out after not seeing her for four days.
When she messaged me online, I replied her slow. And when she mentioned she was going to reach the destination early, I told her I was leaving my house. When she nearly reached the place, I had not even boarded the bus. She even tried to send me a message in case I would be thinking that she was angry, but I did not reply her.
After we met up, I told her I was going to have dinner with another girl I met online. It was 5.30pm and my date was at 8pm.
She had plans for the evening – getting movie tickets, having a good dinner together with me and playing at the arcade, which I enjoyed so much. At least, I knew beforehand we had agreed to catch a movie.
I was busy all along, holding my phone, calling other girls and replying SMSes.
My girlfriend looked very sad and disappointed. I suggested going to play pool, which she accepted just because of me.
On the bus, she knocked onto my ear, which was swollen after I pierced despite her disapproval, simply to remind myself of the pain given by my ex-girlfriend.
During the game, I did not stop replying SMSes from the girls. It was a less than an hour of game before I had to rush off to meet the girls. I continued to enjoy the messages from the girls on the bus in front of my disappointed girlfriend.
I said sorry uncountable times that night, knowing I would do it again.
Would you ever put yourself in others’ shoes and think of how they would feel? Would you not do something that you do not want others to do to you?
For every lie that you tell, you will need two or more to cover it. Soon, you will realize you need a hundred more lies just to cover the first lie. If you have a hundred lies to cover, how many possible loopholes will there be?
How well can you sleep with all the lies in your head?
Soon, you will realize you cannot trust anyone anymore, because you know big liars exist in this world.
Two days ago when my face was pale and head was dizzy, Meihoe came to me and told me to straighten and lock my elbow. She told me to keep the posture and hold up a heavy wheeled chair, and told me if things were too heavy, the normal reaction from people should be to place them down.
I held the chair up in the mid air, with my entire hands and arms shaking, but I did not release it.
No matter how hard we have been trying to be helpful, we cannot understand how others would judge us. There may be jealousy or misunderstanding, which we are unaware of.
Sometimes, we do get neglected. Then, we start wondering have we done anything wrong.
The images of me in the eyes of others may be too much of a big concern to myself. Too much thought and concern for others has restricted me from doing things. There have been excess self-blaming and it simply belittles self-confidence.
I realise it does not make much of a big difference for nobody can do everything correctly nor accommodate everyone.
