Human beings tend to look at things from their own angles and believe solely in their own points of view.
In my experience, some things may seem simple to some people but it can be difficult to many others – different people have different abilities and experiences. Things may seem straightforward but there can be many little details in order to accomplish them.
For example, to open the casing of a mobile phone, an experienced user may just tell someone to pull it apart. However, some phones may require you to press certain part to unlock first. Many things are actually more complicated.
I’m struggling hard but nobody can see the direction that I’m heading towards.
It is a huge market that I’m exploring but I’m also entering a trade that is heavily congressed. There are many people who have stepped in more than ten years ahead of me and I’m very sure they have maximised their manpower, resources and experiences to think of creative marketing strategies – which I have seen none.
My brothers and I have been thinking of ideas but nothing magnificent seems to be workable and thus, it appears to outsiders that none of us has made any effort to do any planning. I try to comfort myself by thinking that all the older companies have run out of ideas as well – at least, some people do believe in this - that I’m just finding excuses.
I’m not good in prioritising tasks but at least I know what are required. I have never planned to reach for the sky before taking care of crucial things on the ground that few people can see. I do restructure my system often but it is not that I have not planned enough in the beginning stage; I’m totally new to the trade and almost greenhorn to the extent of coding. I’m proud that I have come out with ideas that have outshone most others.
But my task is not all about coding a website just for clients to log in and it is also beyond online marketing can help. I have to take care of different groups of users and their interaction, and I also have to solve problems created by many humans.
Things would be very different if I were working on just a blog that mainly earns through advertisement banners. But since I have started something, I’m not going to give it up.
I design, I code, I write, I market, I administrate and I entertain confused people. If anyone says I should have done more, I can only smile.
If anyone insists that it is easy, go and try starting an agency in Singapore such as maid agency or job agency.
Many incidents are dwelling within me and I cannot let go of them no matter what.
When I was a teenager, I already had many dreams in mind to accomplish – mainly are my websites. I had many never-ending projects, which were not benefiting me in term of financial. Those were the days I could afford to help my friends whenever they approach me.
Situation has worsened over the years. More friends are coming to me and most of the tasks are more time-consuming than ever. At the same time, I’m struggling harder with my own life to build a better tomorrow for my family and I. The quantity of the requests has, although, decreased since I have lost touch with many friends, but the “quality” has upgraded.
I started helping Tze Khit with his websites and design work for marketing until he insisted to pay me some money for the work. It was my form of support for a great friend who was beginning with his career. Ever since I started my tuition agency, I found it almost impossible to lend him a hand anymore. He offered to employ me on a full-time basis and I had to reject him, which was making me feel very uncomfortable all these while.
A couple of months ago, Joei approached me to help her to design four posters for her students’ competition. My tasks were already “at my throat” and I rejected her immediately, knowing that I could not “swallow” anymore project. That was an ultimate slash at my heart because she was one of the most beautiful women in heart I had met. My principle since young “nice people should be rewarded” has been haunting me till today. To others, it is very common to reject any call for help, but it is the last thing I want to do, especially to a special lady.
I’m used to sacrifice myself for friends and even friends who are not very close to me; I set aside my work for them. Things are not as simple anymore because besides making my life extremely difficult, my actions will disappoint many people who have been pinning high hopes on me.
Don’t tell me you have experienced it personally, or studied my horoscope or handwriting – nobody can understand how I’m feeling. My situation is far worse than what you can imagine. I’m being hit internally and externally, by myself and others. The pressure is enormous, not to mention about the long period of endurance, which still exists.
I want to make the world beautiful. I want all beautiful people to have beautiful lives so that they can create a beautiful world for others as well. This is a dream, which is impossible to reach – but I’m persistent not because I’m stubborn because I see the importance of it.
My memory is never good but somehow these are the things that can be trapped inside my brain for long. Yes, I have forgotten many unpleasant things almost entirely until somebody mentions about them, but they have definitely bothered me longer than other people.
Being unable to help my friends is one of the worst nightmares I can have, but since months ago, I have met the most incredible incident. When Gilbert told me Raymond had just recovered from cancer, I was totally traumatised. We were very good buddies, together with Peh, during our NS slavery days but Raymond started to stray away somehow due to his busy schedule. I could not afford to spend enough time to keep in touch with all my good friends.
I feel like a shit. My tears fill my eyes every now and then till now, just like how the scene of my dad passing away have been dwelling on me. I was never there for my good friend when he needed support the most. I don’t even know about his critical illness until he has recovered in miracle. What kind of a friend I am? I feel like punching myself sometimes.
My life sucks because I have been such a failure.
Whenever I mention about how I hate my current lifestyle within or at the bottom of any blog entry’s content, it does not mean that I dislike only what have happened as mentioned inside. It is not only about the problems I’m facing in my work, not just the failure to live like a normal person as expected by others, not mainly on the things I can’t do for my friends, not simply because I’m being treated worse than a dog by someone, but many other issues that are bothering me.
I stayed at Clementi ITE for three months to help my boss. Eventually, I left the place after spending more than a week to work on a farewell website. Soon, I received my degree certificate from University of Wollongong. I also went back to ITE to help Hirman for the orientation camp of the second time of the year.
I had my second last volleyball game of the year before quitting my job. Somehow, I was greatly disappointed over certain things. Thereafter, I rarely got to see my buddies.
I concentrated on my quit smoking website. After officially releasing the website, I was very glad with myself that I had made some contribution to the world and I thought I could die without any regrets after that.
Tze Khit moved his gym over to Tanjong Pagar. I was very happy to see a good friend whose career took off well. I spent a lot of time hanging out with him and updating his website for him. Those sessions were very stressful because he and his partner were giving me instructions by my side and there was no table to work on. Furthermore, I felt very uncomfortable charging a friend for my services. I got to meet many interesting friends at his gym. I went back to Clementi ITE for volleyball with Tze Khit for once, which was the final time I got to touch volleyball for the year.
As I was jobless, my bank account started draining especially when I continued to give my mum money every month without fail. My Sony Ericsson phone G705 died on me and I started using an old Nokia 3120. I began losing touch with my friends as the old phone could not read the entire SIM card’s memory. Since it was totally not user-friendly, I gave up sending greeting SMS to my friends during festivals. I was not broke but it made no sense to hurt my piggybank more when I was still jobless and thus I waited on for my phone plan to be over.
There was no progress in my relationship. I met two very nice girls but they were too busy to go out with me. They eventually got attached.
Towards the end of the year, I began working on a tuition agency website called Smart Tuition. It was after several bashing from friends that I should not be working on non-profitable websites when I was jobless. Mike saw some light in my working direction and began coaching me. We almost missed our first outing as I could not find his contact inside my temporary phone while he was holding onto my old number.
It requires at least three of me to get my tuition agency site fully done sooner.
One of me is to work on existing big features that everyone can visibly see with a “WOW” instead of “You are idling”.
One of me is to fix up bugs and security measures that everyone cannot see due to the rush to implement earlier features.
One of me is to continue with the minor features that are deem not as important but can actually be done much faster than the major features.
If you want to talk about improvement on web design, addition and amendment of web contents, SEO or marketing, you probably need to engage more staffs.
I went to bed after 2am and woke u by noon. I was doing SEO for the tuition agency site before bringing Lucky out for his nail trimming session at River Valley.
After that, we went up to Fort Canning Park to feed the mosquitoes but I was enjoying photography all along. It could be a good place to bring girlfriend along if not for the involuntary donation of blood.
We went to Maxwell Food Centre for dinner and waited for my mum to go over.
Back at home, I worked on the links page for Smart Tuition.
I had the leftover satay from the chalet as supper. My elder brother placed some of them into the oven. Both of us preferred doing it on a barbecue pit but it was quite difficult to do it inside HDB flat.
I wasted a lot of time reinstalling my software that helped me to check for Google Page Rank because I realised there was no page rank indication. After some time, I checked my browsers and realised they no longer indicated it as well. I thought Google was down until Mike told me on the next day that it was probably due to Google blocking my IP temporary to avoid spam. I went to sleep at 6.30am.
I woke up at 2pm and had nasi lemak. My elder brother was watching a sadist murdering movie about how a girl took revenge on the guys who gang-raped her. It was one of the most disgusting movies I had ever watched. My elder brother told me another movie “SAW” was worse.
I went to the office at 4pm and worked very hard. Finally, I pushed the new page about the Study Guide live. Then, I continued with SEO.
I reached home near 8pm. Lucky disturbed me throughout the night and I could hardly do anything.
It was near midnight when Joanna approached me for help in her Java project.
I began working on a special article for SEO for the tuition agency and went to sleep near 5.30am.
I woke up a few times and had a dream about being attacked by ghosts while doing charity work. It was quite an exciting dream running around to three different locations where the team was split into. I woke up at 2pm eventually.
It was raining heavily and I continued with my SEO work. Lucky disturbed me the entire afternoon to slow down my work because my elder brother was not at home.
I started the morning blogging, working on the tuition agency website and chatting with Mike. Eventually, I started editing the admin side of the tuition agency website and included a loading popup for the Ajax script, which was I quite impressed. I went to sleep at around 5am.
I woke up after 1pm and had wantan mee. I did SEO for the tuition agency site after that. It was another rainy day.
My family and I went out for dinner before 6pm. We went to the renovated hawker centre opposite Queensway Shopping Centre. There was a variety of food. After that, we went to Anchor Point, followed by Queensway Shopping Centre to shop. I bought a 3-quarter pant. Finally, we went to IKEA.
Back at home in time, I was engrossed with the channel 8’s show – Zheng He Xia Xi Yang.
I got home at around 2am from the chalet and started typing a complaint email against NTUC Costa Sands Sentosa Resort until after 6am before I went to sleep.
I woke up eventually at around 2pm. It was a rainy day and I worked mostly on SEO for the tuition agency website. I was very tired throughout the day and thus progress was slow.
I spent the morning trying a new method for SEO for the tuition agency website. I went to sleep at 7am and woke up at 11am.
At 1pm, I went to the office in the rain. It was the first time I carried a large umbrella and I felt quite impressed with the past experience of carrying small ones. I continued with my work until David arrived at around 3pm.
David taught me more than what I had intended to ask about business. There was too much information for me to take in but I was more than happy with his sharing. He was a rare friend cum teacher.
After David left, I continued with my work alone in the office until 8pm before I went home.
I wanted to go to the office to work but it started raining in the sunny day and I went back home. I spent the entire afternoon working hard on SEO for the tuition agency website.
In the evening, the shows on channel 5 distracted me. First was Terminator 2 and followed by Independence Day.
I kept myself busy with SEO for the tuition agency website and also made some planning for the pages. After blogging, I continued with SEO till 6am.
I woke up at 2pm and started working for the entire day. I improved on the FAQ page and continued with SEO.
In the evening, my family and I went to Chinatown’s Swanston to top up household products. I was quite taken aback on the bus because I had told myself not to step into Chinatown before the Chinese New Year because of the crowd. The massive jam along the way irritated me. After purchasing the item, spending near to $50, we went to the KFC for our dinner.
Then, we made the wrong decision to cross over to the pasar malam. Eventually, we could only move less than half a step every second. I realised I was getting very impatient due to the fact that there were too many things pending for me to handle and squeezing with the crowd was definitely waste of time when we could not really look at the stalls. I got a little giddiness from the walk. We left through the street before the Indian temple.
We went to the NTUC for a while before heading home.
I struggled to continue with the article Private Tutor Singapore. I had some competitor analysis before going to bed at 6.30am.
An SMS from a tutor woke me up after 12 noon to inform me of an error in regarding to registration. I checked the database and realised she had typed her email wrongly and that was why she did not receive any acknowledgement email.
Mike was all excited about the new Google Page Rank. After more than half a year or probably even longer, Google had not updated the page rank for all websites. I was quite disappointed with the new page rank for all my websites.
I managed to put the article Private Tutor Singapore to live. Next, I worked on the Link to us page and managed to put it online as well.
I was very excited to meet up with my ex colleagues. During the evening, I sashayed through the crowded streets and trains to reach Somerset. I was quite proud of myself to make it to the Bar Stop without making any detour.
When I realised Weitat and Herman were unable to make it, I was very disappointed. Zaki told me of his story to get his free iPhone 4 and I was so stunned. Jenne’s friends were around and one of them reminded me of Fengen. I did not really talk much. Zaki kept everyone entertained.
At the end of the night, Zaki sent me home and I did not even realise it until we were near Bugis. I felt quite bad for making him do that.
I had my early supper after my younger brother returned home with a Mac Chicken burger.
I made some amendment for the tuition agency website’s design. Then, I continued with SEO until 5am.
Mike woke me up after 10am to tell me that he had forgotten to bring his office keys along. I rushed down to the office at 11am and we dined at the canteen. We had the Chinese mixed vegetable rice for the second time. However, we were the first customer this time. The food was much more expensive than other places.
I continued with SEO and we also exchanged ideas on it. I started working on the new article Private Tutor Singapore when Mike suggested going to IKEA for early dinner. We called for a cab and alighted at Anchor Point before crossing over to IKEA. Mike changed his mind after seeing the menu and we went back to Anchor Point and had a feast at the Hong Kong café. Mike ordered extra side dish and I felt sinned because I could hardly finish my plate of chicken chop.
We went back to IKEA to walk around. Mike bought his new lighting for his house before we started eating the famous IKEA ice-cream. The DJs from FM 97.2 were there to conduct a game and they tried to find topics using Mike’s lighting. After a while, we decided to take bus back to office. The taste of ice-cream was bad for I was having a stomachache. Eventually, we flagged for a cab.
After releasing my waste, I started working till after 11pm. We walked back to Tanjong Pagar while Mike went to Amara hotel’s taxi stand to get a cab home.
Into the morning of Wednesday, I managed to push the article Tuition Agencies Singapore to live. Eventually I slept at 5am.
I continued my day at 12.30pm and reached office at 2pm. Upon checking my inbox, I saw an email from someone who wanted to rent me his website because he had a keyword in the three place of Google. It was probably quite a good deal but I felt quite insulted by him. I told Mike my plan to show him the true Google lover.
I worked on SEO for my tuition agency and then blogged about the tuition agency’s updates. I received a call from Sihua from MediaCorp and since I had not been there for almost a year, I decided to take up the job.
I went home after 7pm and continued working on the website.
I spent the morning working on a point system for Smart Tuition Singapore and it was rather complicated and I gave up when I realised much more work was required for me on the administration side. Eventually, I went to bed at 4.30am.
I was woke up by Lucky and quickly followed him to the kitchen. He started doing his business and I managed to turn his back towards the newspapers so that only one small piece of poo landed on the floor. I went back to sleep with him again after clearing up the mess.
Mike woke me up at around noon. His internet banking was not working and I went down to help him to transfer money to his part-timer. I had already advised him on the frequency of payment but he decided to continue. Luckily, the users in front of the ATM were pretty quick in doing their transactions.
I spent the day blogging and doing SEO with Lucky disturbing me. I started working on a new article – Tuition Agencies Singapore but I did not finish it fast as planned.
I went to sleep earlier than usual, right after 2am. I woke up at 10am and saw Mike’s SMS telling me that he was not going down to office until further notice for he was busy with his house’s renovation.
I had nasi lemak for breakfast. Throughout the day, I was working on SEO for the tuition agency website and I also dozed off a few times. Lucky, however, disturbed me like usual. I saw some results of my hard work.
In the late afternoon, I went to the Subway at Amara hotel with my young brother for my late lunch. I spent the evening updating the tuition assignments in forums and also, watching television shows at channel 5. They screened the movie Day after Tomorrow.
I spent hours to blog before going to bed at around 5.30am. I woke up at 3pm to work on the tuition agency website and I managed to improve on the tuition assignments feed.
I had dinner with my family at China's town and I was quite turned off to see the huge crowd due to the pasar malam for Chinese New Year. We ordered a set meal from a seafood stall that offered sting ray, prawn, vegetable and toad’s meat at around $37. I did not really like the food, besides, they were too spicy. My elder brother got some satays and almost got himself into some problems.
I took a little walk around the NTUC with my mum and younger brother. I was busy checking out the coke’s price because I thought Mike could save near 50% money by purchasing large bottle coke instead of can.
I was working hard on SEO for the tuition agency site when Sae Yeoh messaged me in MSN regarding my 2011 Singapore Calendar Planner. I sent her the original copy so that she could make amendments. I was glad that she told me she was going to help out at Sarah Home as well because I was lazy to find out more from Huiting and that Baoyu did not reply my last SMS. I went to bed at 5.30am.
I woke up before 8am and knowing that the team would be late, I took my own sweet time and left my house at around 8.30am. I managed to reach Sarah Home very soon and got myself a small bao at the coffee shop nearby. While waiting downstairs, a cat fell from the second storey by the side and screamed as it ran off immediately. Eventually I decided to go upstairs to wait for them.
As Huiting and her gang arrived, we proceeded to work very quickly. I was stunned when I was told that we would be doing painting and not moving things like Baoyu had told me. I regretted not wearing shabbier clothes along. Baoyu arrived later and joined my team, and we started our usual debating. It was a tough but enjoyable moment. When the old paint started to peel off when it was wetted with the new paint, we saw a greater challenge to scrub them off. The owner of the house was very afraid that we might drag on till very late and told us not to do the extra work.
Lunch was at around 1pm. We went down to the Sarah Home centre for the chicken rice, which was quite dry and plain taste. I was quite amazed that there was another big group of volunteers and I believed they were merely doing spring cleaning for the elderly residents. However, when the leader started his religious preaching, I was disgusted. I would love to do voluntary work in an environment where everyone, regardless of religion, was giving off his best to the needy without any other agenda.
The auntie of the house bought bubble tea for us because she overheard Baoyu mentioning about rewarding herself with it after we finished the painting. As the hardship dragged on, I threw out more craps in order to entertain them. In the end, Huiting and Baoyu took their revenge by making me the cameraman for the group photos. Sae Yeoh thought I was upset over it.
We left the place at around 5pm in the rain. We took bus to Tiong Bahru Plaza and then transit to train. After showering, I dozed off almost immediately and woke up near 8pm. I had fried rice for dinner.
I started doing SEO for the tuition agency site when Sae Yeoh chased me for the photos.
It seemed that nobody, except Mike, could see the hard work I had been putting in everyday, working non-stop to make my life dull and stressful. It took a lot for me to spend a day doing voluntary work instead of working on my own stuffs when I was still financially tight, because afterwards I would have to work even harder. I was of no difference to a robot, except that I could appreciate updates from friends in Facebook that would take a few minutes off my time to keep me away from working.
