You were probably out with someone else and had enjoyed your night. On this romantic night, your hand could have felt warm.
True lovers just want their loved ones to be happy.
Are you happy?
On this very same day of every year, I felt the same. Luck was never with me.
It is never peer pressure that has caused me to fall for anyone; I am never searching for anything except the feeling of happiness.
I do not take on a battle that I have no chance to win and I never want anyone to suffer with me before I make my mark. I do not belittle myself but I am realistic about my current situation. I do not make empty promises.
Most girls prefer guys who can promise them the stars even though they subconsciously know that it is impossible. They love flowery words and the feeling of being wooed.
I am a person who "under-promise and over-deliver". There are always two sides for everything - good and bad. At least, people who appreciate me will trust and feel comfortable with me - they have fewer disappointments and more surprises.
Some people say that I am stubborn but everyone, regardless of any horoscope, has his own insistence on certain things. There are many things that some people, including me, cannot bring ourselves to do, and they are far different from being stubborn.
I am not someone who would get flowers. I would rather buy gold than diamond.
It was a different birthday from the past twenty plus years. There was nothing special except that it happened to be a down period.
I am never good at expressing myself verbally nor physically; but it does not mean I do not care. Friends who know well enough should understand that I am much more emotional than most people. Little things can easily affect me a lot and forbid me from dozing off. I have been trying to kick my bad habit but many friends have somehow aided the devil within me. I am failing badly.
I have been doing self-reflecting more than usual – and in fact it is my daily habit. If you were to use my horoscope to describe me as stubborn, this is perhaps the best example because I am not good at apple-polishing and not want to pick it up. But come to think of it - who is never stubborn in certain aspects or things that he or she strongly believes? If you have been insisting in things being done in your way or expecting your analysis to be perfect, does it show that you are more stubborn than any Scorpion?
If you have a certain opinion on someone, have you ever look back at yourself to check if you are actually far ahead in the same attribute? If someone has not done something that you think is necessary, which by not doing so will not cause any harm to anyone, will you pass a certain judgement on him without considering what have been stopping him?
I am extremely lack of skill to even take care of myself to anticipate what others may need. For me, I always try to keep things simple. I will not try to get or do things that are non-essential. I also do not wish to be tied down by anything. If you are judging me based on the lack of these, you probably do not know me well enough to even judge.
Perhaps, I can see how much I have changed over the past year – my self-esteem has been totally wiped off. I guess that is worse than the lost of my creativity and smiles. I am being drained off of everything.
I do not hope for much, except that nobody will put more unnecessary pressure on me due to imaginative. I need more time to sort things out and get essential things done before I can sit down to think of how to become a better person in all aspects such that nobody will ever feel being neglected by me.
This birthday has received fewer wishes than the previous one, which describes how I have been distancing away from friends. If I have a choice, will I not choose to be everyone’s best friend?
It is a lonely night where the street lights ahead glow dimmer and dimmer. A man dragging a bag of a hundred tonnes staggers forward. He never seems to have a slight thought of stopping. Days after days, he gets more distanced from familiar faces. He finally collapses when his torn feet can no longer carry the wrecked body.
We never know how long our lifespans are. Are we supposed work hard so that we do not age to start begging for money; or enjoy life as we move on because we never know we may collapse the next day?
If you are born in a poor family, you probably have no choice after all, even though work all day makes a man dull and kills his creativity.
What can make things worse is when people try putting extra burdens on you when you can hardly catch a gasp of breathe. You can risk putting relationship at stake if you do not want to suffocate yourself.
Some nights I do dream of my legs powerless. I understand well what it symbolises in the reality. It is never fun to struggle strengthlessly.
Do I have to hurt myself more before I can learn to enjoy myself?
I was working hard on SEO for the tuition agency site when Sae Yeoh messaged me in MSN regarding my 2011 Singapore Calendar Planner. I sent her the original copy so that she could make amendments. I was glad that she told me she was going to help out at Sarah Home as well because I was lazy to find out more from Huiting and that Baoyu did not reply my last SMS. I went to bed at 5.30am.
I woke up before 8am and knowing that the team would be late, I took my own sweet time and left my house at around 8.30am. I managed to reach Sarah Home very soon and got myself a small bao at the coffee shop nearby. While waiting downstairs, a cat fell from the second storey by the side and screamed as it ran off immediately. Eventually I decided to go upstairs to wait for them.
As Huiting and her gang arrived, we proceeded to work very quickly. I was stunned when I was told that we would be doing painting and not moving things like Baoyu had told me. I regretted not wearing shabbier clothes along. Baoyu arrived later and joined my team, and we started our usual debating. It was a tough but enjoyable moment. When the old paint started to peel off when it was wetted with the new paint, we saw a greater challenge to scrub them off. The owner of the house was very afraid that we might drag on till very late and told us not to do the extra work.
Lunch was at around 1pm. We went down to the Sarah Home centre for the chicken rice, which was quite dry and plain taste. I was quite amazed that there was another big group of volunteers and I believed they were merely doing spring cleaning for the elderly residents. However, when the leader started his religious preaching, I was disgusted. I would love to do voluntary work in an environment where everyone, regardless of religion, was giving off his best to the needy without any other agenda.
The auntie of the house bought bubble tea for us because she overheard Baoyu mentioning about rewarding herself with it after we finished the painting. As the hardship dragged on, I threw out more craps in order to entertain them. In the end, Huiting and Baoyu took their revenge by making me the cameraman for the group photos. Sae Yeoh thought I was upset over it.
We left the place at around 5pm in the rain. We took bus to Tiong Bahru Plaza and then transit to train. After showering, I dozed off almost immediately and woke up near 8pm. I had fried rice for dinner.
I started doing SEO for the tuition agency site when Sae Yeoh chased me for the photos.
It seemed that nobody, except Mike, could see the hard work I had been putting in everyday, working non-stop to make my life dull and stressful. It took a lot for me to spend a day doing voluntary work instead of working on my own stuffs when I was still financially tight, because afterwards I would have to work even harder. I was of no difference to a robot, except that I could appreciate updates from friends in Facebook that would take a few minutes off my time to keep me away from working.
I went to bed at 3am and eventually slept for twelve hours, waking up at 3pm.
I spent the afternoon working on my tuition agency website and I set off to the gym earlier than usual. After doing workout, I accompanied Bobby and John for shirts amendment. Bobby had his early dinner and I followed him back to chat with him.
On the way, he made very impactful comments on SEO. He would spend a high budget on Google AdWords to get his site up on top so that he could speed up the progress of earning more money. If the site failed to generate a lot of money, he would have known it earlier to save time. He was one of the greatest offline businessmen I had ever met.
Anyway, I tried out the fighting game on the Xbox 360 Kinect before Bobby started to rearrange the placement of the game set. I stayed on to see if I could offer any tiny help and dragged on until around 7.30pm before I went home. I actually thought it was a Friday.
Often, I hate myself for being too soft-hearted. The fact that nobody can see how tight my time is even though I do not have an official job really sucks.
I do not see why some people can find me only for help but are never free when I approach them just for a chat. This is depressing.
I soon realised I was embarking on a slow progressing week of my life that I was too lazy to do anything much efficient.
I got to chat with Anthea on webcam in the evening. It was good since most of my friends did not like to use it, and some would even lie that they did not have a webcam. We had trouble connecting through MSN Live and I got her to install Skype instead, knowing that MSN was problematic nowadays.
I went down to join my brothers to play with Lucky soon after they left the house. As usual, we had the scooter and waveboard with us. After sweating out, we decided to go to my mum to get two bucks to get two cups of slurpee from 7-11 store at Icon.
We questioned my mum’s ladyboss about the webcams that her husband had installed all over the shop and even some that were pointing out of the shop to intrude in privacy of others, but she claimed that most of the webcams were spoiled. We felt it was wrong for them to monitor their staffs this way when the wages were paid accordingly to the amount of work done and not that they were paid a fixed amount monthly that they would try to slack around.
The usual deep pondering caused my head spinning. I tried to break the record by going to bed before 1am since I knew it was going to be a boring morning in the internet but my mind refused to stop working. It took two hours for me to give up and start booting up my laptop.
A moment of frustration hit me hard to wake me up. For the past month, I had been strangling myself with greed that had slowed me down too much. I was never in mood for anything. I hated the fact that history always repeated itself.
I started warming up my engine and slowly sped off with blogging, website editing, clearing up my desktop and even uploading of old pending photos. Updating my portfolio with the Chinese poems was a pain in my ass. I realised I had not been adding the new ones for years and it seemed that I did not keep the new ones properly inside my poem files. I exhausted myself but I refused to stop until 7am. I did not feel like going to bed just like having a strike.
Zaki rang me up at around 11am and he guessed well that I was still in the mid of my sleep. He verbally answered to the email I sent him in the morning that our gang was not going overseas anymore for the upcoming long weekend, and he also asked if I knew how to fix router. I went back to sleep and woke up after 1pm.
It was a big struggle to keep my mind focused. I tried hard not to think of catching a movie. The concentration into web design did me well though my mind did wander off some times. The work lasted till late night before I emailed shifu guiltily after the long delay of work with the temporary location in my webhost.
The confession from Vanessa stating she used to be scared of me haunted me throughout the day. The claim was that I was too sharp. I began to reflect on myself for how many tales I had exposed in the past that had drawn people away. I was probably being too harsh to myself. Nevertheless, it was good to be different from hypocrites and only unique people would appreciate.
"What is internal beauty?" one of the greatest men I have ever met laughed. The question sank into my brain instantly and stunned me as though I had discovered that I was living in a wrong body all these years. All of a sudden sincerity and self-sacrificing rebutted. I have never cared to impress with my appearance, and nobody has cared.
In life, we experience things in order to learn and “regain conscious”. Be it good or bad occurrences, they would impact strongly on our decision in future.
I have learned many things in just a Saturday alone.
For success, there is bound to have sacrifices; friendship and promises are just pawns. History will forever repeat itself for certain events.
In a relationship, a person who takes the other half for granted will always apologise; whereas, in a friendship, it will happen too. If you have done it once, twice, or thrice, will you simply shut up at the fourth time or latter since it is meaningless already?
I have learned that even the most trusted people would put the naive one to shame. I have learned to place the most important thing before anything else, putting off awkwardness like a holy saint. I have learned to smile more like a fool. I have learned how to fight for a team, which I am not part of.
I have learned the thousands of misfortunate truths in life. I have learned the fact, and more cruelty of life.
I have learned, I have witnessed, I have experienced.
This is a turning point of my life, which I have seen through the thin and fragile colourful masks, and I am ready to embark on a cleaner and more decent life without the lies and disrespect.
On Monday, I received a call early in the morning to start off my day with disappointment. I could never withstand the soft side of myself to be taken granted by others. Why me again? I would not mind helping but I did not want others to take advantage of my kindness. I cheered myself up by telling myself I would be gone soon.
Lunch was at the canteen with my usual clings. I spent lots of time typing in the office.
In the late afternoon, I started gathering people for badminton game for the next day since both Mei Hoe and Dorothy grumbled over the termination of our usual sport.
Most of the players seemed to have given up the game with the excuse of having to take care of their kids at home and thus they could not stay. Some were, however, scheduled with meeting and other work stuffs.
I gave Mei Hoe countless calls but she seemed to have fainted. I waited in the office for Dorothy to finish her meeting before telling her we had enough people. I could have left office at 5pm but I ended up leaving an hour later.
EIP, my dread, finally started on Tuesday morning. Going down all the way to Bukit Batok ITE was killing half of my days that I was unable to do any other stuff. It was a test of my luck to see which secondary school students were going down in order to judge how tiring I would be by the end of each session. I was lucky that the Westwood Secondary school kids were very adorable. However, I made a great communication mistake and Zaki reached at 8am.
Zaki sent me back to campus to attend my department meeting, which started forty-five minutes earlier and the meeting was over soon upon reaching. Nevertheless, I got to enjoy the nasi lemak from my boss.
I had a payback of my lack of sleep due to gaming before I went to bed. Throughout the afternoon, I was never productive by nodding in front of my laptop. The worst thing was when I discovered that my smoking site did not work properly on my webhost even though everything was fine on both laptops I was using. It was disastrous to work with AJAX when debugging was needed.
Sometimes I did doubt my own principle. I always did my best to attend to all my friends but somehow it made me very unfocused. I had been observing friends who did not even glance at me when I stood beside them during their conversation with others, and indeed they were more successful than me.
I reached home at around 6pm. I slacked for some time and finally left my house for a jog after taking my medicine. It was another challenge to my limit for I could easily sleep like a bear at that moment. I started off weak and felt like sleeping at certain points of time. By the time I reached the big T-junction separating Marina Barrage and Marina South Pier, I was exhausted. Nevertheless, I was impressed with my final timing.
On the Tuesday evening, the place was not even half as crowded as the weekends. There were more groups of youngsters around. The usual huge green snake kite departed soon before darkness embarked. I started lying down to rest. The time tickled fast and before I could doze off, it was near 8pm. I made my way down and did some stretching longer than ever, distracted by a mini bus which I suspected was from MediaCorp.
When I started to take off, I was glad to see bus 400 stopping at the bus-stop. My second race against the bus was granted but I was not given advance start off as long as the previous time. Before I reached the T-junction, the bus had already beaten me. I did not give up and kept my pace constant at the exhausting speed. My effort had a payoff for I managed to overtake the alighted passengers inside the small tunnel as they were walking towards the MRT station. I was quite proud of myself.
I could not keep up with the pace after turning away from the entrance to MRT, but managed to push myself furthermore. In the end, I checked my timing and was very amazed with myself for I broke my own record by taking less than 19 minutes.
On Sunday morning, I went to meet Gilbert and Peh for a swim at Ang Mo Kio. We were supposed to meet at 10am but I was late for half an hour. Nevertheless, I was still earlier than Peh, who arrived in his girlfriend’s van.
We started off chatting by the corner of the pool. It was crowded like usual and we went to the middle lap and slowly, shifted towards the other end. I stopped after the first lap to adjust my swimming trunk and proceeded on a non-stop swim for the next twenty-one laps. The two of them claimed that they took only ten laps.
Swimming was never as easy in the past for I was never able to keep my mind calm, dashing towards the end of the lane every lap; by the second lap, I would have drained myself like during competition. It was ever since I went swimming with my younger brother, I managed to give up every thought of trying to impress all the other swimmers around - his non-stop swim forced me to do it. By relaxing myself, saving strength for the next stroke after each pull, I was able to sustain my strength to swim at constant speed for uncountable laps.
Perhaps, I had been acting like a bull over certain jobs and tasks since young. I pushed myself without proper planning and I did not know my limit. Regardless of my own stuffs such as web building and playing sports, or helping of others, there were always times I took actions more than I used my brain.
Nonetheless, working beyond my limit was not totally disastrous, for at least it kept me fitter than many other people, except that I was plagued with injuries.
I was lucky to have a driver around for it saved me from quite a distance of walk. Peh sent Gilbert home to get changed before the three of us went to Ang Mo Kio Hub for our lunch. We went to “My Desert House” where we filled our stomachs while taking photos.
Peh could not join us for the walk in town for he had to meet his client, which was a letdown. He reminded me of the days when I worked as a property agent, which I considered “no life”. He was much luckier as a financial advisor now for at least he had his transportation somehow.
Gilbert rushed to Takashimaya to meet his friend before we started walking around, looking at expensive leather shoes that turned me off. We proceeded to Ion soon to shop for my jeans. I got him a pant as his belated birthday present at Uniqlo. He got me a polo tee at Topman and the cost was shared between him and Peh. Eventually, I still owed Peh two birthday presents, which was so pathetic of me.
I was completely destroyed soon for the lack of sleep, water and rest. Gilbert continued his journey to Cityhall to get his stuffs before going for Chingay rehearsal while I made my way home directly from Orchard MRT. I was thinking of going to Marina Barrage for a jog but I dropped onto the mattress soon after I cleared my email.
i know you too well lah you are those type if sad, you will tend to overreact happy slowly bah hahah you usually happy then after a while, you will stay quiet then seclude yourself from all people
I didn’t know myself until yesterday, Irwin spilt out my secret. I stared in blank for a moment and nodded to myself.
It took 13 years to reach that confident claim of his but human being would mature over times and learn to be stronger than ever.
Sleepiness, exhaustion, sweaty clothes, sore throat, freezing, hunger, gastric pain and disappointment hit me badly.
I have tried so hard each time at the expense of my health and happiness, just to make sure things work the correct way. Nevertheless, it has been so clear that all the extra effort worth nothing; someone else out there can easily make the difference. Sometimes, nothing seems even important in the first place.
What have I been doing all these while? Why do I bother to care? Why do I keep making myself miserable, especially for people who would not care?
Those people are killing themselves and wrecking other people’s lives, and yet I cannot do anything. Kill one to silence hundred - but I cannot strike at all. I should have left.
I’m always open to help others and it certainly brings me joy if I could be of any great help. However, I hate being made used of and the fact that the cunning person thinks I am not aware of it. It gives me a feeling that I’m being treated like a fool.
Being asked to assist and self-offering to assist are different matters, which imply different status.
I’m usually quiet, but I can be loud, and as loud as the lion’s roar.
Handwriting analysis is a method of identifying, evaluating, and understanding a person's personality through the patterns revealed by his handwriting. I believe this method is more accurate than any horoscope reading. Since everyone's thinking will change over times, handwriting does change as well.
Many people are simply interested in proving that they have good judgements over others by approaching handwriting analysis experts; however, I wish to seek the unknown self, so that I can make improvements.
On Tuesday, 21 July, 2009, I had my handwriting, including signature, read by an ITE colleague who used to handle many job interviewees...
I am friendly and approachable and thus I can work well in job related to people. I am a private person and do not like to talk about personal issues, and I keep secrets for others well. I am careful and detailed. I love to help others.
I am suitable to work in Human Resource, Financial, Case Study, Salary, family background, Counsellor and other jobs that require confidentiality.
I have the intention to climb in my career but not at a high expense; I can give up my job just to accompany my loved one who is sick. I will never do any evil things to get promoted and I don't like to pull string in order to get promoted as well. I am very satisfied only when my visible-able work, such as flower display and web design, is being recognised; not so much for success such as leading a team well.
I want to settle down badly in my job but I don't know what I really want and it triggers pain in my mind. I am open to choices. However, in a bad point of view, employers may afraid that I will switch to another job soon.
I am a straight-to-point and direct person. This is my working style as well, and that I don't like long meeting and conversation. My lifespan of goal is small to medium range, and thus, I should not have a goal that is far from reach; for example, I should not plan to take a Master degree before completing my Bachelor degree.
I am an easy-to-please person and have simple needs. My girlfriend and wife will be a simple girl-next-door.
The presentation crushed with the first assignment; both modules collaborated well to tease me and jeer at my mess.
It had been too long since I last studied and things could not go into my head. It had something to do with my ridiculous sleeping habit definitely and I longed to visit the doctor.
The topic was given but it was quite broad and I could never figure out the intention, thus, could never focus. I made days of wasteful researches and finally, spent too much time in touching up. I was too sleepy to think but I proceeded on to kill more precious time. In the end, I could not finish the assignment.
The terrible lack of sleep massacred my brain cells and on the actual presentation day, I did far worse than I had expected, and to think that I was so used to standing in front of so many people put me in shame.
Alas, I got to know who the true friends were as they stayed behind to help me when they were already exhausted.
There are definitely many things I should improve on.
