The usual deep pondering caused my head spinning. I tried to break the record by going to bed before 1am since I knew it was going to be a boring morning in the internet but my mind refused to stop working. It took two hours for me to give up and start booting up my laptop.
A moment of frustration hit me hard to wake me up. For the past month, I had been strangling myself with greed that had slowed me down too much. I was never in mood for anything. I hated the fact that history always repeated itself.
I started warming up my engine and slowly sped off with blogging, website editing, clearing up my desktop and even uploading of old pending photos. Updating my portfolio with the Chinese poems was a pain in my ass. I realised I had not been adding the new ones for years and it seemed that I did not keep the new ones properly inside my poem files. I exhausted myself but I refused to stop until 7am. I did not feel like going to bed just like having a strike.
Zaki rang me up at around 11am and he guessed well that I was still in the mid of my sleep. He verbally answered to the email I sent him in the morning that our gang was not going overseas anymore for the upcoming long weekend, and he also asked if I knew how to fix router. I went back to sleep and woke up after 1pm.
It was a big struggle to keep my mind focused. I tried hard not to think of catching a movie. The concentration into web design did me well though my mind did wander off some times. The work lasted till late night before I emailed shifu guiltily after the long delay of work with the temporary location in my webhost.
The confession from Vanessa stating she used to be scared of me haunted me throughout the day. The claim was that I was too sharp. I began to reflect on myself for how many tales I had exposed in the past that had drawn people away. I was probably being too harsh to myself. Nevertheless, it was good to be different from hypocrites and only unique people would appreciate.
I was in a crappy mood again. After a game of Condition Zero, I started composing a Chinese poem with the inspiration. I finished and went to bed at 4am.
It was as per normal for the past few weeks, weird dream got into my sleep again. It seemed that my family had moved to a new flat or we had renovation in a different house. My dad was alive and he shared a room with my mum, while my younger brother and I took another, and I finally had a proper space to sleep and a normal desk to work on inside the room. I was not sure if the dreams were linked, but I went into the army and was put on course again. While going through a practical test at a flat, the owner had some figures lay in front of him. Just as I asked him about the figure of a weird four-legged animal, it turned into real and started attacking my feet. It was as pain as what the stupid flown away green parrot did to me last time. Everyone remained calm as it was kind of a test for me. I woke up after being attacked a few times.
It was around 10am again and I really hated waking up with my chest stuffed due to getting upset in dreams. Dreams probably reflected on feeling well. I got up to start my system and tried to do some work. It was a morning of disaster when I realised the poem I did before going to bed was only saved during halfway. I could have clicked the wrong button to select “no” to saving the work after I closed the word document file. After making big attempts to recall what I had written originally, I started dozing off again as I took rest on the mattress and finally got up at around 2pm.
It was an absolutely boring afternoon. The television distracted me badly as usual in the evening.
Traffic for SmokeForWhat dropped. Even though I knew well it could never be consistently staying at peak since I could not expect many people to surf about smoking related stuffs everyday, it was still pretty disappointing.
Still waiting for the day and that's why I’m trying so hard each day. It seems near yet far and I’m still figuring out how to cross over. The endless path takes my smiles away Like the forceful water washing off river banks.
We have dreams and goals. We work towards the future until we meet someone of the opposite sex who is very special. We start thinking that we should dedicate more time for the special someone, and slowly we put our dreams aside. We enjoy romantic moments and the greatest joys on earth until the day the special someone leaves. Then, we have achieved nothing and we are alone.
How many people have faced the same situation? How many supposed-to-be heroes have lost their youth in the absence of achievements?
The thing that I dread when I wake up other than web server is down is that my files on my hard disk is gone, extra files are added or the system starts to crawl.
I begin to regret more for not getting a laptop instead so that I can safely keep it. The webcam on the monitor is eyed by my mum as well because of her whatever auntie friend in other country. My younger brother has been messing up my elder brother’s computer.
If only I’m rich that I can buy them their wants so as to safe keep my own work and data, and able to work on my, my very own, computer whenever I feel inspired.
Just imagine some newbies are waiting to use your office’s computer such that your work may be destroyed any time and that you may not be able to work when you have to.
I can’t help fearing for my stuffs and work - more than ten thousands of photos, more than ten websites and all the hundreds of poetry.
Things would probably not turn out to be very bad but to think that your years of efforts and collections are in a big risk, how would you feel?
It’s the rain that hides your weeping You claim the sun makes your eyes red Indeed it’s shinning vigorously somewhere I offer you an umbrella but you push it away So that you can shower with Mother Nature I stumble at your recklessly dashes You trip and fall but never want me to offer you a hand For you never believe someone would help You yell towards the sky and you roar at the streetlights And you say you are practising singing You kneel on the flooded road Where the ongoing cars splash water over your body You thank them for their donation You finally sing a song of proper But you make heart-breaking too obvious Some things take too long to forget It’s pretty obvious but you join in the pretence You just sit there and let the rain wash time away You give up because you think it’s useless
After seeing Ganz’s blog entry about deleting his poems from his blog, I came to a caution as well. After chatting with him, I realised he had also faced the problem of people stealing his work.
I deleted those entries with poems in my blog after some thoughts.
It had been for at least five years, I displayed my work over the internet through my website. Though I had implemented a little security, at least making it tougher for thieves, it was never enough.
It had started since the old IRC days lamers had been stealing my work. Be it how lousy I had tried to express myself in a different way, you could never deny at least one soul in this world would appreciate; however, appreciating and borrowing were different issues.
You would never want your work to be published around and yet nobody recognise you.
I am sorry but there are just too many black sheep in this world, especially when internet does not show their faces. I am therefore considering the removal of “My Arts” from my main site.
Situation/Problem: There are many equipments and rooms in BLK 202. Everytime any equipment or key is drawn or returne, documents are to be updated, which takes time. During peak hours, situation worsens and lessons are being delayed due to long queue. Documents may not be updated properly as well.
Solution: A scanning system can be implemented such that all details of instructors and trainees are stored, and using of 11B to scan for each transaction for both staff and client. The system is to be connected to the intranet, such that TRMS office is able to view the rooms and equipments status any momentand able to make changes on demand.
Title: Pulley System in BLK 202
Situation/Problem: Since BLK 202 is the training block, equipments are often moved around. This would cause injuries to the back and knees of the soldiers or contractors.
Solution: A pulley system can be installed on the top of the building so that equipments can be raised or lowered down to and fro each level. This would reduce the number of manpower and injuries.
Inspiration meets exhaustion, enthusiasm wears off. Ideas rot, memory fades; I can't think, I can't write. Is breaking the pen the only excuse I can find for stopping my work? In this case, buy me a new open, and I'd write for you.
